Time to Re-Define

I love a beautiful latte.

I would go as far to say that I am a sucker for a beautiful latte. Now, put it on the window side table of a quiet coffee shop on a rainy morning and I am defenseless to resist. If you add meaningful conversation, then it’s game over. Consider my attention grabbed, and my heart ready to engage.

Until the day I sat at such a table, on such a day, with such a latte, and God. The conversation started off light and surface. We talked about the weather, the kids, work stuff, and book ideas. Then the conversation slowed down and the tone of His voice softened. He whispered something I was really hoping we could avoid.

“Daniel, I think it’s time to re-define the relationship between us.”

I was immediately uncomfortable. “Why? I have always felt like things between us were going well.”

He never dropped His gaze. “Daniel, things are going between us. But, Daniel, I need to know if you love me?”

“Do I love you? How can you even ask me that?” I sputtered. “Of course I love you. I mean, you loved me first. Apart from you, I can do nothing. What is there not to love about you, God?”

He looked out the window.

As rain outside the window began to fall, tiny droplets formed on the glass, perfect, tiny pearls. They grew larger, gathering more water, until they became heavy enough to slide down the pane, racing down the window, leaving behind trails of silver, quickly merging with others, creating larger, faster-moving drops. The sound of the rain hitting the glass was soothing, a rhythmic pitter-patter that filled the silence between us.

Turning to look me in the face, His words came out so warm and full of heart. “Daniel, your sacrifices are nice. They are carefully calculated adjustments and juggles to your budget, but I want your love. Your offerings, while meaningful, are not what I want. I want you to know me. The only way you can truly love me with all of your heart, your soul, and your mind is to know me.”

I was at a loss for words. I never saw this conversation coming. I had spent most of my journey of faith learning about God. I can spit out fact after fact about what I know of the nature, grace, love, and person of God, but He was right. I had never asked to know Him.

Why?

Most likely for the same reason most people never ask God to help them know Him.

Because I was afraid.

I was afraid of what it would cost me to really get to know God.

The coffee shop surroundings, with its warm lights and soft, sleepy jazz tones, slowly faded away into the cloud of imagination, and the reality of where I now sat came into view with a sudden coldness. I was sitting alone on my bed, with my Bible open in front of me. The rain droplets were the stream of tears running down my face, and even without the imaginative environment, God was still there with his words, and the invitation to re-define the relationship hanging out in the air in front of me.

Nothing I had done up to this moment, even done with the right intention, mattered. My relationship’s reality was based on fitting God in where I could and contenting myself to know ABOUT Him.

“I don't want your sacrifices-I want your love; I don't want your offerings- I want you to know me.”

~ Hosea 6:6 (NLB)

Knowing God takes so much more than calculated sacrifices and offerings of your time, resources, and talent. Knowing requires time spent doing life, listening, asking, communicating, sharing, becoming vulnerable, and trusting. When you make an effort to KNOW someone, you are agreeing to accept the responsibility for what you become knowledgeable about regarding that person.

This is why I was afraid. If I know God, then what I know about God must become a priority to me.

When you really know someone, you either love them or you hate them.

I have been safe in most of my Christian life by wanting to know about God. About his love, his grace, his nature, and his heart. Knowing about God makes it easy for me to budget sacrifices and offerings in my time, finances, and talents. But deep down inside, when I read this passage, it hit me directly in the heart.

I know about God, and I have written books on what I have learned ABOUT Him. But, while I’m sure God appreciated the books written from my point of view looking up, like a child attempting to draw a picture of his daddy with chunky crayons and poor coordination, He did not want the books.

God has always wanted my heart, and the only way to really have that fully was for me to know Him. I sat on my bed, tears running down my face asking God, “What is the first thing I need to do to know you.”

“You’re doing that now, Daniel.” Was the response. “If you want to know me, you do that through shared suffering. Brokenness and a broken heart are where I really meet most people. When you are broken, you can only do one thing. You struggle in the suffering until you decide to finally look up.”

You must know hurt, loneliness, unfair treatment, persecution, pain, suffering, betrayal, loss, temptation, abandonment, vulnerability and being turned away. You will find yourself in a place where your life has been reduced down to HIM.

You must know deep wounding because the heart of God moves with compassion.

Compassion is made of two Greek words. The words “Co: Together, and Passion: suffering” Whenever you read in scripture that Jesus was “Moved with compassion,” what you are seeing is that Jesus was “Moved with co-suffering.”

If you are going to Love God, you must know him and if you are to know Him, you must know the heart of God for everything and everyone. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be authentic, and to trust.

Knowing God is a journey, not a destination. It requires vulnerability, trust, and a willingness to be transformed.

Sacrifice and offerings are much easier. This is where many people choose the surface relationship with God. If I know His heart, then I can’t hold on to my own woundings, a coat of armor, justifying my anger, hatred, and contempt. I cannot hold on to my right to “Self” and what I feel is best for me.

I look at an offense and say, “That is a terrible person who does not deserve my forgiveness,” and God's heart says, “That is a wounded person who chose a destructive coping mechanism to their pain over me.”

"But God, I want to be angry." I said sternly. "I want them to hurt for what they did to me. They couldn't care less about me. How could they take advantage of my heart and just toss it away like a broken item? I wanted to matter to them. I wanted to matter to someone … I don’t matter to anyone."

He pulled his lips tight together in an empathetic line. He reached his nail scarred hand across the wooden table's surface and took my hands in His.

This is the beauty of the relationship shift.

In those moments of deep suffering, God scoots back the chair and comes around the table of distance I had put between us, and scoops me up in His arms and says, “You have always mattered to me, Daniel. Your heart has always mattered to me. What was done to you was wrong, and I know it has wounded you deeply. You did not make them do what they did, this was their choice.”

I held Him and cried until I had no tears left. My sobbing quiets. His words that follow are soothing to hear, but they sting.

“Daniel, the ones that hurt you matter to me as well. They matter just as much as you do.”

Remember, sacrifice and offerings are much easier. This is where many people choose the surface, coffee shop banter relationship with God.

Knowing God is a painful process of letting go of your views, your will, and your desires, and choosing to adopt His. He knows the reasons why any of us do the things we do. He sees the thoughts and intents of the heart.

If you really know His heart, then you won’t hold on to your own woundings, a coat of armor, justifying anger, hatred, and contempt. You won’t need to. The pain of the actions of others will never not be destructive. Relationships will be damaged and, sometimes, even irreparable, but you will also see the other person exactly as God sees them.

Loved, wounded, and searching for coping methods on their journey.

I may not like them, and what they did was unfair, but they matter to God. Knowing God’s heart in suffering allows me to understand a powerful perspective. I can, from his love, pray for them that despitefully use me. A genuine request the God bring that offender to Him so they can have peace and no longer offend myself or others.

The only way their destructive behavior cycle ends will be the same way mine does.

The feet of Jesus.

I write this from a place of absolute brokenness, but a place of incredible peace. The words to a very old but familiar song, I Know Who Holds My Hand by Ira F. Stanpill.

I don't know about tomorrow

I just live from day to day

I don't borrow from the sunshine

For the skies they turn to grey.

And I don't worry for the future

For I know what Jesus said

And today I'll walk beside him

For he's what lies ahead.

Many things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow;

It may bring me poverty.

But the one who feeds the sparrow,

Is the one who stands by me.

And the path that be my portion

May be through the flame or flood;

But His presence goes before me

And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand.

I love a beautiful latte. I would go as far to say that I am a sucker for a beautiful latte. Now, put it on a window side table of a quiet coffee shop on a rainy morning and I am defenseless to resist. If you add meaningful conversation, then it’s game over. Consider my attention grabbed, and my heart ready to engage.

You may not be ready to really KNOW Him today, but I want to encourage you. From the guy who, for years, has bantered across the table about surface things, the weather, the kids, work stuff, and book ideas. You will never regret the moment you slide your hand across the table and take His hand and say, “God, would you help me re-define the relationship between us.”

You will NEVER be the same, and while that sounds bad, it’s a really beautiful thing.

“Oh, that we might know the Lord—let us press on to know him! His presence will be as sure as the sunrise, as refreshing as the early morning rain.”

~ Hosea 6:3

~ Daniel