Say "Thank you" Danny!

“It is good to say thank you to the Lord, to sing praises to the God who is above all gods. Every morning tell him, “Thank you for your kindness,” and every evening rejoice in all his faithfulness. Sing his praises, accompanied by music from the harp and lute and lyre. You have done so much for me, O Lord. No wonder I am glad! I sing for joy.”

~ Psalms 92:1-4

“Danny, what do you say to Dad?”

I was 10.

I was standing beside the family’s worn leather couch. In my hand, I held a small, green-faced action figure. The package Art said BAKATAK, and he was part of the Power Lords action figure set.

My small fingers trace the long ant eater looking face of the toy as embarrassment crept up hotly from my collar and onto my face. I did not know what this toy was. I was all about Gi Joe, and this thing was NOT Gi Joe. How can I even be grateful to get something I didn’t ask for or even want?

If I was really important, why not pay attention when I had strategically planted gift ideas in your head any time you went to the store. I was strategic and overly obvious.

 “Dad! See this Jeep?”

“Dad! I would love this commando figure!”

“Dad! Can I have this for Christmas?”

 Then, as the day got closer, I had become even more direct.

“Dad! I want this one.”

“Dad! I made you a list. Any of the ones I wrote would be great!”

“Dad! I made you an updated list with actual pictures that I cut out from the wish book magazine and pasted onto the paper. You can’t go wrong!”

Now, standing beside the couch with frantically torn paper at my feet, and a green skinned alien toy in my hand, I was being reminded to say thank you for a gift I had not asked for.

I am now 46.

I have just brewed a cup of coffee and sat down at my desk. The time is 7:30 AM and I have 30 minutes before my workday starts. The office is quiet; the room is dark. I take a sip of coffee and close my eyes and feel the warmth as it washes down my throat.

I turn on a small desk lamp, get out my journal, and open my Bible.

Psalms 92 and verse one.

“It is good to say thank you to the Lord…”

“Danny, what do you say to Dad?”

Suddenly, I’m standing next to the throne of God, bathed in his encompassing light. In my hands I hold a circumstance I didn’t ask for.

My world has been turned upside down, and what I was given to call my own looks nothing like what I really want.

In my 20’s, I had hinted and dreamed about what I wanted. I felt so silly even for asking because I felt as it was too big or too selfish.

“God! See that dream?”

“God! I would love to have that accomplishment!”

“God! Can I have that by my next birthday?”

 Then, as I got older, I became more direct.

“God! I want this one!"

"God! I made you a list. Let’s call it a vision board. Any of the ones I wrote would be great.”

“God, I made you an updated list, and this one has pictures attached to it. You can’t go wrong with this one!”

Now, standing beside the throne with frantically torn paper at my feet holding an alien, looking circumstance in my hand. I am being reminded to thank God for something I did not ask for.

 “Danny, say thank you to the Lord!”

Back when I was 10, I mumbled out a hasty thank you to my dad and ran off to play with my cousins. They all passed around the toy and made their comments, and it quickly joined the pile of broken or less popular toys in the corner of my room, while I continued to dream about G.I. Joe’s, and other things that I really wanted.

With time, I forgot all about BAKATAK and the Power Lords, and even about G.I. Joe’s. Video games, girls, cars, and other things soon took over my thoughts. Then a job, mortgage, marriage, kids, and living life became the focus.

“We glide along the tides of time as swiftly as a racing river and vanish as quickly as a dream.” 

~Psalms 90:5 

Recently, while going through some old papers and letters, I discovered a picture. It was of a 10-year-old me holding up a green alien toy for the camera. From the smile on my face, you can tell it was obviously one of those unwanted “show everyone what you got Danny” photo ops.

I looked at the toy in the picture, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember what it was. Looking at the picture, it was not the toy I remembered, instead it was everything else about that day I remembered. The room, the chaos, the laughter, and mostly the innocence. The smell of Mom making Christmas breakfast, the little twinkle lights on the tree, the tinsel and the garland.

I remember the leather couch and the eyes of the one who had given me that alien looking toy.

I was loved more than I could’ve ever known. I was provided for and protected. No, the alien was not what I wanted, but I was loved more than I could ever know, and that truth was really all I ever needed.

 I put down the photo and fired up the computer. It was E-Bay for the win!

BAKATAK was located and, while it cost a lot more than it did back then, after a bit of haggling and begging, he was on his way to my house. I was so excited and even tracked the package. It felt like it took forever to arrive.

 I got home from work and tore the package open. There he was, all in his green skinned and very brittle glory.

 BAKATAK!

 The thing I had never wanted was now valuable to me. (I’ve since made a place to display in proudly.)

The toy reminds me of my dad.

For reasons unknown to me, he thought this would be something I would like, and he picked it up. While he was out providing and protecting, he had thought of me. This toy was … different. Just Like me.

Shortly after opening the package, I took a picture and, without prompting, called my dad to say, “thank you.” This time, I knew what to really thank him for.

 Let’s go back to today.

I don’t understand why I’m holding an item of pain. The hurt I'm looking at was never what I wanted, and, as I look at the circumstances in my hand, the appearance, acceptance sets in. No matter what happens in my future, this hurt will always be in my heart. What happened to me will forever be a part of me.

 No, God did not gift wrap this up and hand it to me with a smile, but He allowed it.

 Today, through tear-filled eyes, I take it all in and accept this for what it is.

 A hurt. Ugly, alien, and very much unwanted.

“It’s like this: when I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I became a man, my thoughts grew far beyond those of my childhood, and now I have put away the childish things. In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God now, as if we were peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but someday we are going to see him in his completeness, face-to-face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now. There are three things that remain—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”

~ 1 Corinthians 13:11-13

In this passage, Paul so beautifully reminds the followers of Christ that they would only understand God fully when they see Him in heaven. Here, in the moment, our vision will always have a barrier and be clouded. There will be a day when we will see the beauty of the bigger picture with no barriers.

Today, I don’t understand the hurt. I don’t understand why the severe wounding was allowed, but I know the heart of my heavenly father.

BAKATAK will always remind me of what I often forgot as a child. I was not alone; I was protected, and I was loved more than I could’ve ever known.

Time is what I need to heal. If not fully heal, then to at least provide perspective.

I know I will look back at this time, not with joy over what has happened, but with a clearer understanding of everything else in the room. Today, I choose to not miss the opportunity to say “thank you” to the Lord for not allowing me to go through this season alone.

Today, I say, “thank you” to the Lord for protecting my spirit, for sustaining me with his strength, and for loving me more than anything I have ever known.

Today, all I can say, even through tears, is “Thank you Lord.”

~Daniel