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A few days ago, a friend of mine posted this passage on their social media page. Their picture was highlighted, and the colors caught my attention. I read the passage several times and the more I meditated on this passage, the more the beauty of this line resonates in my spirit.
It is such a powerful phrase.
“but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges Fairly.”
~ 1 Peter 2:23
Releasing control over the desired outcome. This can be such a struggle to do for most people, but for me, it felt borderline impossible.
I was raised in a strong, independent, fundamental Baptist denomination. What is that you ask? I often say, this is the group of people who think they are right on everything and are mad about it.
I can go on about it, but the important thing for the sake of this thought is that I was raised to keep a set list of rules in order to prove my love. This proof that I loved God also displayed my value and to God. This mindset in a child is dangerous because children grow up to be adults. I continued developing this mindset and as I got older, all the things I did, or did not do, became the definer of how sincere my love for God was. If i had said no to something you said yes to, then that was just one more person I had passed on the road of approval and worthiness to God.
It was almost as if I could find some fault or dis-ingenuity in those around me. I felt more worthy. I think the biblical equivalent would be a Pharisee. Being that way, I was also Sadducee (See what I did there? Sad, you, see? Get it? judgmental religious group in the Bible times? Ok, poor pun choice.) because I struggled so hard with being harsh and judgmental.
It was terrible. I was always looking for the crack in the armor of someone’s words, testimony, or faith work so I could somehow feel better than them, or of more value. This was wrong on so many basic levels, but when you are blind, you are blind.
For a long time, I was burdened by a critical and judgmental mindset. This negativity weighed me down, hindering my ability to fully express my gifts and talents. I often found myself harshly judging both myself and others, even in their most sincere efforts. So many times, I prayed or compassionate perspective.
One day, I took that to the Lord again, and I remember Him, asking me “What is your name? Write it out.”
I wrote it out on a piece of paper in big letters. “Dan.” This was the name that I had answered to my whole life.
Why did I need to write this out? God asked me again, what is your name? What is the name written on your birth certificate?
My birth certificate says Daniel.
So, what is the big deal? Dan, Daniel, what does it matter?
I have an odd mind, and I wrote it out in a math formula. I always wonder how I can present my perspective to any mathematicians in the room. Why? Because I’m special like that. Humor me please.
D: Dan (representing the concept of “Judge”)
E: El (representing the concept of “God”)
JE: Represents the combined concept of “God is JUDGE”
Equation:
D + E = JE
Reading my full name written out on paper changed my world. It sounds so simple, but it was an instant reminder that God was, and is, the only judge of anyone. It was a visible reminder I no longer needed to carry the burden of weighing the motivations behind things that were done, either to myself or others.
I went back and changed everything that I had ever written in published print that had the name Dan Stombaugh on it to reflect Daniel Stombaugh. I changed manuscripts, writings, book covers, all of it, even down to the video game profile. I wanted to always remind myself that my name is Daniel, and God is the judge. It takes a while to unlearn behaviors you have spent your life learning, but, for me, something as simple as seeing my full name has helped me remember who holds my life. If you are struggling with accepting or processing unfair heartaches, maybe for you, it could be as simple as writing down some passages of scripture that remind you God is in control.
Isaiah 46:9-10: "Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I declare the end from the beginning and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, ‘My purpose will be fulfilled, and I will do what I please.'"
Psalm 135:6: "Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps."
Proverbs 19:21:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that will stand."
Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose."
Ephesians 1:11: "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of the one who works all things according to the counsel of his will."
Colossians 1:16-17: "For by him all things were created, both in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together."
This perspective of God's control is one of those things that I’ve had to remind myself of lately a lot. When life overwhelms you with pain and suffering, hurt and anger can easily creep in. They may seem to offer strength and protection, but they are ultimately harmful substitutes for God's love and grace. If you're mindful of your emotions, you'll recognize that these negative feelings can lead you astray.
This past month, I found myself writing in big letters on a page in my daily journal, “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, DANIEL?”
The passage I mentioned earlier was brought to my attention, and I looked down at the bold letters in my journal.
“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, DANIEL?”
Life is not fair. People will hurt you. We are imperfect and are capable of imperfect things. So, “God is the judge,” what are you going to do now?
I have an odd mind, so I drew my concept out in a courtroom sketch style. I always wonder how I can present my perspective to any artists in the room. Why? Because I’m special like that. Humor me please.
Today, I lift up the hurt to Jesus. I bring the pain, the wrong, the tears, and the circumstances to God and I stand quietly before him. The courtroom is silent. The jury box is empty. At one table is the plaintiff, and at the other, the defendant.
I slowly approach the bench and give God my case. I present the evidence and sit down.
There is nothing more to do but know that I have been heard. I know the Judge loves every soul in that courtroom. If you are in a neighboring courtroom waiting for the judge to enter, let the passage posted by my friend remind you of some things I was reminded of when I read it.
Today, THE Judge, helps us to lay down the burdens we cannot carry. He reminds us that the outcomes are not ours to create. He reminds us He is capable, and that He sees the whole picture. He works ALL things together for our good and in our weakness and discomfort, He is our strength.
He knows it is difficult to trust Him with the outcome.1 Peter 2 shows us that while it is difficult to trust in the midst of pain, it is possible.
~Daniel
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